My name is Kent Bray, and I was an addict.
How had it come to this? That was the question I asked myself as I sat in a rehabilitation centre in April 2016. I weighed just 63kg, having lost 30kg due to extreme daily cocaine use. My mental state was deteriorating, filled with paranoia, anger, resentment, confusion, blame, self-pity, and self-loathing. At 52 years old, I was broken.
I had two burning questions:
- Who am I?
- What is life all about?
On paper, my life seemed impressive. After leaving school, I became a lawyer in Australia, played rugby for the Australian under-21 team, attended Oxford University for postgraduate studies, played rugby (and became a coach) for Harlequins, and enjoyed a successful 22-year career in the financial industry in London, ultimately becoming a director at a major American bank. But these were mere labels. The stark reality was that I was a garden-variety cocaine addict. That was my identity. Despite being semi-retired, financially secure, and a father to two beautiful children, my life was defined by addiction.
Looking back, I see how my life unfolded to this point. I was addicted to achievement, adulation, and the concept of ‘more’. More prestige and status, more money, more properties.
In my late 40s, I struggled with life. I was in a country I didn’t want to be in, doing a job I didn’t want to do, and with a woman I didn’t want to be with. Instead of speaking to someone, I turned to cocaine. As my dependency on cocaine increased, my weight plummeted, my mental health deteriorated, and I withdrew from social circles, gripped by guilt, shame, remorse, and embarrassment.
Until I entered rehab.
I spent six weeks in a rehabilitation centre but relapsed within eight days of leaving. Then, I experienced a spiritual awakening – a mental shift, a lightbulb moment. I have now been clean and sober for eight years.
No easy task, so how did I do this? I joined Narcotics Anonymous, which saved my life.
Within this fellowship, I found like-minded people. The therapeutic nature of one person with an addiction helping another is unparalleled. My friends and family’s love couldn’t heal my addiction; I needed to educate myself about the disease. Aligning with recovering addicts who had been clean and sober for years provided the love and guidance I needed to survive and thrive.
I completed the Narcotics Anonymous 12-step program, which I believe everyone could benefit from. It allowed me to cleanse the guilt, shame, remorse, and embarrassment of my past, enabling me to move forward as a productive member of society.
I joined Narcotics Anonymous because the essential ingredient was my desire to change. The greater the desire, the greater the chances of recovery. Recovery is possible. Never think that it isn’t.
Today, I am a mentor and a counsellor. Intrigued by the healing and recovery process, I completed a 2.5-year Diploma in Therapeutic Counselling. I volunteer with the UK mental health charity Mind, helping people at the lower socioeconomic level and having private clients. Additionally, I mentor young semi-pro rugby players, providing a safe, nonjudgmental space for them to talk. I love it.
So, back to the questions:
- Who am I?
- What’s it all about?
In 2024, I am a present and available father to two beautiful children. They get the best of me, whatever that may be. I’m not unique, different, or amazing; the world doesn’t revolve around me, and I don’t need it to. But I am very happy with the person I see in the mirror, which wasn’t always the case.
I also love connecting with people through mentoring and counselling, knowing that I am living my life for a good cause. Whether people need me for help because they need direction in mid-life or in their careers or relationships, or they’ve lost their way through addiction or mental health issues, it makes me feel worthy, and I am so glad. This is an excellent place to be.
So, what’s it all about? For me, life is about love and connection. Life is impermanent; cars and houses come and go. Real love and connection are deep and meaningful and should be cherished.